Hey.
Ever since I was little, the one who has always been saying "Love you" to me is my dad. Like, every time we gonna say goodbye during high school or up until now whenever we call, my dad would be the one who says "Love you", and of course, I'd reply with a "Love you too". This is because my dad is really expressive about his feelings especially towards his own family.

Meanwhile my mum is the one who says stuff like
"Hah? Dah makan ke belum? Kenapa tak makan?"
"Keluar dengan sape tu?????"
"Lah kenapa tak cakap awal awal, kan mama dah-----" (a series of lectures hm)
"Dah minum air? Makanlah sayur tuuuuuuu."

Even we wanna say goodbye or hang up on phone, mum would be like, "Ha, bye. Assalamualaikum."

But the other day..... I made a small talk with mum on phone and then we said goodbyes. I heard this;
"Ha, bye. Assalamualaikum....................................loveyou." *hangs up*

I was stunned. Legit. The "loveyou" part was a whisper, like, if I didn't pay any attention, I'd miss it big time. And then, when I sent Whatsapp messages to my mum, she now would end our conversations with the "love you" too. Which eventually makes... me... feel....

Sad? And panicky?

Sad and panicky. Definitely.

XO, Farihah.


new past